Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
