My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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