Jerry, you need to find god
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
only if we run a train.
done.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
