apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
