i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Enjoy the penises
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
