I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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