We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
