4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
