he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
