i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
