I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
