Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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