watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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