happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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