I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
