I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
