i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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