its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
