You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i believe in u and ur pee
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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