hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
