News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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