All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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