I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
