I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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