wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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