i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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