Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
