are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
