Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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