I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
