She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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