My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
