everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize