Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Text me some of your sweat
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
