He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
