I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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