I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
