The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
