please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
