Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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