I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i believe in u and ur pee
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
