you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
