i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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