another moral hangover. fuck.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
