This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
