There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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