I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
