if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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