This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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