So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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