Buhtt sex?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
