yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize