Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize