I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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