You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
