Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
