Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize