lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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