dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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