She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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