being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
