I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
