please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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