i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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