No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
