My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
