he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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