He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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