It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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