I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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